what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
