did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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