Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
