i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
