btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
