Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
