College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
