Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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