just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
