I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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