Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
