the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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