Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
