so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
