he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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