For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
My vagina just clenched in fear
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
