Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
