you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Shame - the story of my life.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
