so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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