While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
