New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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