I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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