i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
