And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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