dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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