I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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