I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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