I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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