Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
