dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
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So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
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Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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