i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
