I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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