I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
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