I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
