wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
she told me i tasted like america
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
