I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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