you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
