but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
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Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
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Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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