I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
