'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
