Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
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