By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
