He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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