I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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