I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
