My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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