I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
