if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
