Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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