at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
