you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
