I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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