I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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