a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My feet surprised me
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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