areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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