like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
