I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
