u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
