OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
