can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
