Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
