You're my little dorito
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
