I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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