It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
