People in love make me want to vomit
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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