Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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