Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
