I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
