So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
